So, I made an observation of myself when I was in college.  Right before a semester started, I would organize all my books and such to make sure I had it all together.  One thing I liked to do was go over my class syllabi and find out what I would be doing over the next semester.  I would note every test, every project, every quiz, every assignment...and I would find it all very overwhelming.  Sometimes, I would find myself asking, "How in the world will I ever get all of this done?  There is no physical way I can do it all!!"

Then, the semester would start.  Day by day, week by week, the assignments would get completed, the tests would get taken, the projects would get done.  I would find myself at the end of the semester and I would look back and be amazing at what you can do when you take it one step at a time.

As I come to the last few weeks of my pregnancy (um...make that two and a half, for those of you counting), I find myself, once again, in that panic mode of pre-semester college days.  How in the world am I ever going to be able to do this?  How will I be able to watch my child go through all that he is going to have to go through?  How will I take care of my first boy?  How will I possibly understand all the medical terms I am going to have to learn? How can I emotionally handle it all?

While it is true that the time we will be dealing with this is not just a 4-month semester...but really a lifetime of care for this little one...I find comfort in knowing that I will only have to take it one day at a time.  I know that some days I will have to deal with more than another day.  The first few weeks and months and even the first year or two, will probably be harder than the once proceeding those.  However, I will be able to take it one day at a time.  How wonderful a thought that is.

Now...can we just make it happen yet?  I would really like to stop thinking and start doing (I think...)

Well, we are done with cardiology appointments until this little man makes his appearance (which is in 5 weeks, for those of you who are counting!).  Now, we are working more closely with the Perinatologists (the doctors who will actually do the delivery) and my regular OB appointments. 

One thing we have started doing are weekly Non-Stress Tests (NST).  Each week, I go in for about 20-30 minutes and they monitor the heart heart and movement of the baby to make sure everything is still looking good.  This gives them an idea of whether or not we will need to move up the delivery because of stress on the baby.  Fortunately, our little man has been perfect so far!  If it wasn't for his heart, he would extremely healthy.  His heart rate is always great, he moves more than any human ever has...EVER, and all his measurements come back normal.  In my mind, this just shows me that he is going to have the strength to get through what is definitely going to be a long road for him.

Now, in other news...the waiting game.  I have to say, my attitude at this stage of pregnancy this time around is very different than last time.  With Logan, I was so ready to have him out!  I was extremely uncomfortable and 5-6 weeks sounded like such a long time!  Now, I am not going to say that I am not uncomfortable this time...I think I am more uncomfortable with this pregnancy (Insomnia and my psoriasis have definitely made it more difficult!), but 5 weeks just does NOT seem like that long!  When I think about the journey that we are going to begin once he is here, I just can't seem to grasp that it is going to begin in just a matter of 5 weeks.  This is crazy!!

Well, today I am 31 weeks pregnant and I am sitting in my living room while my son takes his nap.  I am caught up on my house work and I have worked on my business a little.  I find myself puttering around looking for things to do.  So, I am just thinking and pondering, which can be a little bit scary when you are in my position.

Our next cardiology appointment is this week.  Once again, I am anxious to get it done.  Two different strands of thoughts run through my head: 1) This is going to be so awesome because we are going to learn so much more and be able to prepare better.  We will be taking a tour of Primary Children's and the University hospital, so we will have a visual of things.  Also, we will be meeting with Kim (the care coordinator) who will be able to answer a lot of the questions we have been trying to figure out.  2) What new surprises are they going to find this time that we will need to prepare for?  Last time, it was the right ventricle that was not growing.  While this wasn't as hard to deal with as the first appointment, it still changed our whole game plan and everything we had tried to plan before went out the window.  Is that going to happen again?  Will it be good news or bad news?  Am I emotionally prepared for whatever comes?

As I sit here and ponder some more, I can't help but think about the life my new little boy is going to have.  Will he be able to do all the things he wants to?  I watch my older son run around the park, go down the slides, jump up and down...will the next be able to do those things?  Will my husband and I know how best to help him? On top of all of that, how will my older son be affected by all of this?

I have to admit, I don't usually let these questions linger for too long.  Why?  Because I don't have the answers and it just makes things hard.  What do I try to focus on?  The fact that my Heavenly Father is in charge.  In reality, can any of us really know what to expect in our life? No.  But our Heavenly Father does and He knows what we need to become the person we were meant to become.  I have already seen this.  Heavenly Father is molding me and my family into better people.  We are seeing a whole new world and having experiences we never would have any other way.  I can only imagine that this will continue once this little man comes around.

Yes, the waiting game is hard.  Yes, not knowing what is to come is hard, too.  But I am so grateful that I know of my Heavenly Father and I constantly pray that He will give us the strength to come through whatever we need.