Wow...it has been a long time since I posted on this blog.  I can honestly say that life moves forward with our new normal.  Sometimes, when I think about it, it is absolutely crazy that my "life before Joshua" (as I like to call it) was just  2 1/2 years ago.  In many ways, it seems like it was forever ago...it has been forever since I held him and it seems like so much has happened.  But 2 1/2 years doesn't sound like a very long time when you say it! The way we experience time is a strange thing and something I continue to be baffled by. But, here we are!  2 1/2 years has come and gone!



Anyway, this past week, I had the marvelous opportunity to view a production of the show, "Savior of the World" from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  What a glorious depiction of the events proceeding Christs birth and those that followed the Resurrection!  I got to see this show the Christmas after Joshua passed away and it will forever hold a special place in my heart. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to see it again so close to another milestone.  You see, the truths described in the show are, in fact, the truths that give me hope: that our Savior was born, that He died, and that He rose again from the grave!  That through Him, we can be together as a family forever!  That because of Him, I will hold my baby again!  Honestly, there is no better way to spend two hours of your time*!

This time seemed extra special to me because I met a new angel mom friend.  My parents and a couple of my siblings were in the show, so I had the opportunity to meet more of the cast members.  Turns out that the wonderful woman playing the part of Mary, the mother of Jesus, is a new angel mom.  She lost her sweet baby after he was born extremely early, right before the auditions for the show were to take place. When we met for the first time, all we did was give each other a hug and a bond was born.  No words needed to be said....we were special to each other because we knew the pain.  So, to hear her speak the truths in the show and to watch her hold that baby Jesus, it just made them all the more real and brought back very special feelings of my own.

A few parts in the show that were especially touchings:

1)  The main song in the whole show has different verses for different scenes.  During the scene of the tomb right after Christ is buried, the chorus sings these words:




2)  After Christ is resurrected, He visits with some of the disciples on the road to Emmaus.  After their experience, they are talking with each other about the joy they feel to have their Lord back with them again.  One of them asks something along the lines of, "How could we have been so sad?"  My thoughts with that line were that I can not wait to put the sadness behind me.  There will be a time when I ask myself how I could have been so sad because the joy will be so great! It will be a glorious time.

3) Along those same lines, the women that loved Jesus are talking together after their own visit with the Savior.  One says, "Our grief is gone!"  Another responds with, "No, changed.  Our grief has transformed into joy." You guys...when the Savior comes, our grief will transform into Joy!  I know it will!  What a blessed day it will be!

4) Finally, another theme that is presented throughout the show is the idea that the Lord has a plan for all of us.  Every time something seems to be going wrong (like, having to move to Bethlehem, not being able to find a proper place to stay, or even having to tell her beloved Joseph that she is expecting), Mary says one phrase over and over again.  It is "All flesh is in His hands." I loved this thought!  The thought that our Heavenly Father is holding onto us, that He is helping us have the experiences we are suppose to have.  Never would I have hoped or wished for Joshua to have passed away, but never would I give up the experience now that it has happened.  Joshua brings me closer to God every day and the more I look to God and Christ, the more I realize that we are learning what we need to learn in order to become who we are meant to become.  "All flesh is in His hands."


Honestly, I could go on and on about the wonderful messages in this show!  But, needless to say, there is so much power that comes when truth is testified.

How grateful I am for this glorious gospel!  What peace it brings to my soul to contemplate the great Plan of Salvation!  No words can express how I feel about my Savior and what He has done for me and my entire family.  I am working each day to live my life in accordance with His commandments because I love Him and want to live with Him someday.  It is because of Him, I will have all my children around me someday.

Today, I will be taking some time to read some scriptures regarding the promises of the resurrection.  I hope each of you will take a few minutes to read and ponder some of you favorite scriptures about the Savior in honor of my little Joshua.  May you find peace and hope in those words like I do.



*For more information about the production of "Savior of the World", visit here.
**For more information about our Savior, Jesus Christ, visit here.

There have been and probably will be many times that I have felt completely alone on this journey this past year.  Even with all the letters and notes from people who have also lost children, there were times that I thought, "No one could possibly know what my heart is going through."

Well, as the months have passed, I have experienced the miracle of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful that He went through his lonely journey so I didn't have to.  I have felt my heart begin to heal, at least a little bit.  I could never begin to express the gratitude in my heart for my Savior and all that He as done for me, my family, and for everyone.

This week, I have been preparing for the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. To do this, I have been reviewing some of the past addresses given.  I wanted to share of these talks with you.

This man, Elder Bowen, gives a very candid account of his experience with loosing his little boy after he aspirates a piece of chalk.  I really appreciate this discussion because he talks about how difficult it was.  Sometimes, I feel like people expect you to be "ok" when you loose a loved one because you have a belief in the afterlife.  However, just because I know I will see little Joshua again, it does not make it any easier to not have him here with me.  I love this quote from his talk:




I look forward to this weekend when we will hear more wonderful messages from the leaders of our church.

I have felt a strong urge over the past few weeks to study the gospel more.  Reading my scriptures was never something that was so easy for me, but recently, I feel like I can't get enough of it.  Not only does it bring the spirit to my heart, making me feel more at peace with everything, but I really do see the Plan of Salvation in everything and it makes me more hopeful that I will see Joshua again.


I have started reading this book as part of my study: The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister. I am so excited to dive deeper into this vital doctrine.  As I was reading the first few chapters of this book, I was struck by one of his paragraphs: "Every attempt to reflect upon the Atonement, to study it, to embrace it, to express appreciation for it, however small or feeble it may be, will kindle the fires of faith and work its miracle towards a more Christlike life.  It is an inescapable consequence of so doing.  We become like those things we habitually love and admire.  And thus, as we study Christ's life and live his teachings, we become more like him."

I am so excited to come closer to Christ by increasing my study of the Atonement.  I know that I need to keep living my life as faithful as I can so I can live with my Joshua again.

What are some of the ways you study the gospel, or get closer to your God?  Do you have a favorite scripture or book that you return to a lot?