Wednesday, June 12, 2013

4 months tomorrow

I am starting to feel like a broken record, but I just have to keep saying it because it just seems to get more and more true:  time is a strange thing.  Tomorrow, it has been 4 months since little Joshua returned to heaven...4 months. 4 months. 17 weeks. 120 days.


We have definitely fallen back into some sort of routine.  Tim and I have started thinking about the future and what are plans are (that NEVER happened when Joshua was here...we took it one day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time).  We have come a long way in the grieving process. Logan and I enjoy our days at home and Tim really enjoys his job.  We have started to figure out our new normal.

I still have hard days, but I am finding them to not be as debilitating as they used to be.  Today, I went up to the cemetery to see what was left of Memorial Day (since we were out of town soon after, we didn't get a chance to).  I definitely had a good cry and I realized it was probably because I hadn't had a good cry in a while. I have been so distracted with our trip and other things going on, I haven't really been thinking too much about it.  Today, I let myself go.  At the cemetery, on the drive home, and a good hour after we got home, I cried. Logan gave me multiple hugs and I tried to explain to him that I missed Joshua.  He would just nod, as if he completely understood.  Once I was done crying, I was able to get on with the day, which felt good.

It seems strange that it has only been 4 months...it feels like it should be so much longer.  But, the Lord has been so wonderful over the past 4 months.  We have felt the healing power of the Atonement in our home.  Our testimonies of the Plan of Salvation have given us a brightness of hope.  Our little Joshua is a part of something grand.  Our Heavenly Father needed his special spirit and I know he has thrown himself into his work.

Tomorrow, I hope I can focus on that.  My little Joshua is where he is suppose to be.  I miss him so much, but I know I will see him again.

I hope you are doing well on your mission, Joshua.  I pray for that every day. I love you more than I could ever express.  I hope you can take a break tomorrow and bring me a little hug from the spirit world.


5 comments:

  1. So touching & beautifully written. I am amazed by your strength and will continue to keep you in my prayers. ~Cammie

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  2. Four months. Wow. It seems like yesterday. I hope that Joshua can send a butterfly or another reminder from Heaven that he is closer than we know. Hugs.

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  3. And then quickly it will be years, and you will wonder where have the years gone? My Lilly and Ryker will have been gone 7 and 6 years this October, and it is just mind-blowing to me. Those therapeutic cries are interesting. I have these moments, where I get sad, and can not pinpoint it, but I think it stems from my spirit and maybe even my physical body mourning and longing for those darling babies I miss so much. (((Hugs)))

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  4. You're probably going to be counting months for quite a while, and that's ok. I like Allison's idea of Joshua sending a butterfly to remind you of his presence. That is a really sweet thought. I'm sure he's with you all as much as he can be, even though he probably has a lot going on on his side of the veil. You are still in my thoughts and prayers often, and I'm glad you are having more good days than bad.

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  5. Dear Stephanie,
    You do not know me, but I am your grandfather Bill's brother. I recently came across you blog about little Joshua. I know how you must feel as I lost my Stephanie (age 2 days) on September 19, 1979. She is still in my thoughts and prayers each day. A parent should not ave to bury their children. I am consoled by the knowledge that death is not the end but a transition to a better life and that there will be a time that we will be able to raise those children that have returned to Heavenly Father early.

    May God bless you and your family during these trying times.

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Joshua Kent Ipson was born December 1, 2012 with a very complicated combination of congenital heart defects. After 2 1/2 months of fighting for his life, he passed away on February 13, 2013. We invite you to share our experiences as we grieve his loss, rejoice in God's plan, & keep Joshua's message of hope alive.
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