Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Halloween, little Joshua

Dear Joshua-
Happy Halloween, sweet boy.  I wanted to let you know today that I am thinking a lot about you.  I was at the store yesterday and saw so many costumes that I know would have looked so darling on you.  I wondered what we would have dressed you up as...maybe a monster or super hero.  Maybe we would have coordinated your costume with your older brother. Whatever we would have done, it would have been so much fun to dress you up.

Last night, our family went to our ward Halloween party.  As I laid in bed that night, I wondered if you would have been able to go with us or not.  Cold and flu season is hitting full force and we always had to be so careful when it came to germs.  I realized that now, you can come to those events with us without concern.  I know you were there celebrating with us, even if we couldn't see you. 

Joshua, we are coming up on the season of the year that I remember having you with me.  You were born at the beginning of December, but November was the month we were anticipating your birth.  I feel like a lot of grieving feelings are starting to resurface a little bit.  I am missing you.  I so wish that I could actually dress you up instead of just dream of it.  I so wish I could hear all the comments from people about how cute you look in your costume. I wish we could take you trick or treating, even if it was only a few houses. I wish you were going to be here for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I wish I didn't have to wish all these things. 

Yes, I am taking a few minutes to be selfish today.  I know that you are in a better place and that you are no longer suffering.  I know that the Lord has so much in store for you. You have a mission, Joshua.  That mission is what keeps me from being mad or extremely upset on most days.  However, today, I wish I could just give you one more hug and kiss and then send you on your way. 

Joshua, please be with me today.  Let me know that you are ok and help me feel your presence.  You are always in my thoughts and I love you for eternity.

Your mother


  1. Oh, Stephanie, I wish you didn't have to wish either. And I don't think missing your sweet baby and wanting him to be here for just one more day is selfish at all. It was good to see you and chat with you last night, and hearing you speak of Joshua warmed my heart, and I loved how you talked about him with a smile on your face. He brought joy to so many while he was here, and now he's doing the same thing, but on a much larger scale. But it still stinks that he can't be here with you, and I think you're entitled to be sad about that. I wish you peace and comfort today, and on all those hard days that will come.

  2. Stephanie, this post is so sweet. It made me cry. My heart has gone out to you since little Joshua passed away, but I never really understood how it felt until I had a baby of my own. I still can't relate 100%, but I can't imagine losing my daughter. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met, and I admire your testimony and faith. You deserve to mourn when you need to and think about the what if's--it's totally natural. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. I know Joshua will be trick-or-treating with you guys tonight!


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Joshua Kent Ipson was born December 1, 2012 with a very complicated combination of congenital heart defects. After 2 1/2 months of fighting for his life, he passed away on February 13, 2013. We invite you to share our experiences as we grieve his loss, rejoice in God's plan, & keep Joshua's message of hope alive.
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