I have met a number of angel moms over the past year.  Actually, many of them I already knew, but I see them in a much different light now.  There is a very special, unexplainable bond between two moms who have both lost a child.  We don't have to say a word to each other or even meet in person.  We just get each other...we can love each other in a way that no one else can.

Many of these angel moms have gone a very long time without their child.  10 years, 20 years....some even 30 years since the passing of their children.  Honestly, when I think that in 30 years that will be me saying that, I get tired.  It just seems so long...so much time has to pass before I see my little boy again.  Sometimes, I just take a deep breath and sigh...so much time.

But my perspective has changed a bit.  My mother was talking with a good friend of hers who lost her daughter over 30 years ago.  This wonderful woman is done raising the rest of her kids and is retired.  She is at the end of her life, not really expecting to die any time soon, but knowing that it is coming sooner rather than later.  It was interesting to hear her perspective.  When she thinks about seeing her daughter again, she gets an excited jump in her heart thinking about it.  She described it as the feeling you get when you are anticipating a trip to Europe that you have been planning for years and it is now only a year away.  There is light at the end of this tunnel and she can see that light much more clearly than she has before.

Oh, time can seem like such a burden.  Sometimes, it can seem like it is working against you.  But, when I heard about this woman's perspective, I couldn't help but get excited.  She has lived a very full life with so much for her to be proud of, and the Lord to be proud of.  Now, as she waits the last little bit of time before seeing her daughter again, she can do so with excited anticipation, knowing that she will indeed see her soon.

I want to spend my 20, 30, 40 years (however long the Lord needs) living my life so I can feel that same anticipation.  While it is still overwhelming to think of that much time needing to pass, I know that it is time I am suppose to have.  Time that I can use to do a lot of good in the world.  Time that the Lord has given me that I need to take advantage of.  I hope the Lord can help me know how best to use my time...and that I will be worthy to live with all my family, including Joshua, someday.

I know I have lots to write up from the past month.  Joshua turned one year old two weeks ago. We passed the 10 month mark of his passing.  We have begun the time of year that we remember having him here.  The Christmas celebrations have begun.  Yes...lots of things to write about.

Today, however, I wanted to account my experience from church today.  I have had the pleasure of being the director of our church choir and today was our Christmas program.  We only sang one song as a choir and it is a song that we picked out 2 months ago.  Today, during the performance, did I really start to understand the words and they sunk in.

The song in "Promise Savior, Promised King" by Sally Deford. The first two verses remind us of the many prophecies of the coming of the Savior and set the stage of the Christmas scene. 

Promised Savior, promised King,
Come down to earth from heaven
Child of whom the angels sing
Their song of adoration
Behold the star above Him rise,
‘Tis heaven’s brightest gem
A beacon to our longing eyes
When the light of day grows dim

Shepherds watching in the fields,
Now hasten to the stable
There to honor Him, there to kneel
And worship at His cradle
While in the east the wise men greet
The light that o’er them shines
And goes before to guide their feet
As they seek the Child divine

With the beautiful scene set in our minds, the poem continues to explain the very impact of the message...what this humble birth really means to our life:

The Holy Infant long foretold,
In lowly manger sleeping
Is comfort to the sorrowing soul,
He is solace to the weeping
He is hope, He is love sent from afar,
God’s Lamb and offering
He is Lord, He is sovereign of my heart
Promised Savior, promised King

I think Christmas will always be a time when my grief is a little closer to the surface.  It is a time when family gathers...and I will always have in the back of my mind that my whole family is not together right now.  Oh, but how blessed I am to know that the Promised Savior has come.  His birth, His life, His death, and His resurrection truly does bring solace to the weeping and comfort to a sorrowing soul. 

How blessed I am to know that He is Lord and sovereign of my heart. During this tender time of year, this is the message I want to remember and hold close.  I will see my little Joshua boy again...and it is all because a little baby was born many years ago in Bethlehem.  The promised Savior has come and He will come again.

Listen to this beautiful song here.