Well, today I am 31 weeks pregnant and I am sitting in my living room while my son takes his nap.  I am caught up on my house work and I have worked on my business a little.  I find myself puttering around looking for things to do.  So, I am just thinking and pondering, which can be a little bit scary when you are in my position.

Our next cardiology appointment is this week.  Once again, I am anxious to get it done.  Two different strands of thoughts run through my head: 1) This is going to be so awesome because we are going to learn so much more and be able to prepare better.  We will be taking a tour of Primary Children's and the University hospital, so we will have a visual of things.  Also, we will be meeting with Kim (the care coordinator) who will be able to answer a lot of the questions we have been trying to figure out.  2) What new surprises are they going to find this time that we will need to prepare for?  Last time, it was the right ventricle that was not growing.  While this wasn't as hard to deal with as the first appointment, it still changed our whole game plan and everything we had tried to plan before went out the window.  Is that going to happen again?  Will it be good news or bad news?  Am I emotionally prepared for whatever comes?

As I sit here and ponder some more, I can't help but think about the life my new little boy is going to have.  Will he be able to do all the things he wants to?  I watch my older son run around the park, go down the slides, jump up and down...will the next be able to do those things?  Will my husband and I know how best to help him? On top of all of that, how will my older son be affected by all of this?

I have to admit, I don't usually let these questions linger for too long.  Why?  Because I don't have the answers and it just makes things hard.  What do I try to focus on?  The fact that my Heavenly Father is in charge.  In reality, can any of us really know what to expect in our life? No.  But our Heavenly Father does and He knows what we need to become the person we were meant to become.  I have already seen this.  Heavenly Father is molding me and my family into better people.  We are seeing a whole new world and having experiences we never would have any other way.  I can only imagine that this will continue once this little man comes around.

Yes, the waiting game is hard.  Yes, not knowing what is to come is hard, too.  But I am so grateful that I know of my Heavenly Father and I constantly pray that He will give us the strength to come through whatever we need.