For many obvious reasons, you can imagine my emotions over the past few months have been all over the place.  Of course I am excited, but there is a lot of anxiety over what is to come.  That 20 week ultrasound looms in the future and just makes my stomach feel like it is in knots.  My brain goes crazy knowing that there are some families who have had multiple children with heart defects in the world, even though the doctors keep telling me the statistics are small for it to happen again.  Every child changes families...even healthy ones...but now I know just how drastic a change can happen...and change is just a little scary to me right now.  

To be honest, the day I took the pregnancy test, I was pretty emotional.  I knew in my head that we would be having more children, but I just don't think my heart was quite ready to accept it. I was just getting settled into this new normal and now everything was going to mix up again.  Then, I got onto the computer and calculated when my due date would be...February 10...just 3 days shy of Joshua's 1 year anniversary of his angel day.  How on earth would my heart be able to handle all the emotions of that week and handle the emotions of bringing a new baby into the world?  

On top of all of the emotions, morning sickness and exhaustion took over my physical health.  This has definitely been the hardest 1st trimester of all three pregnancies I have had.  I think part of it is because I have been through an emotional roller coaster the past year, plus this is two years in a row that I have now been pregnant.  Physically, this has been a really difficult one. Needless to say, it has been hard to feel the excitement when all these other things are taking over. 

However, as time continued forward, I have gotten more used to the idea.  Actually, my heart really can't wait to meet this little baby.  I find myself wondering about the delivery day...mostly about the first time I hold him/her.  I honestly can't wait for that moment.  Also, the more that I have pondered it, the more I realize how important my children are to me.  My family brings me so much joy.  I just think about how vital my little Logan boy has been for helping my heart heal.  I can only imagine that my future children will help that even more, even though there will always be a place in my heart waiting to see Joshua again.  Yes, the Lord knew what He was doing when He sent this new little spirit to us. I know that this baby will bring so much joy and happiness.  I know that our lives will change, but no matter what that change is, the Lord will be able to pour His blessings on our family through those changes.  

So, our journey of life moves forward.  Even though it is MUCH sooner than I had planned in my head, I know that the Lord is in charge.  The Lord has been with us 100% of the time through everything so far and I know He will continue to be with us as we move forward to this next chapter.