Being in and out of the hospital, your house tends to be neglected. We were only home for a few days at a time and when he had to go back to the hospital, we usually only had a little bit of time to prepare.  We would throw things into bags and the rest of the house was left in shambles.  Needless to say, after 2 1/2 months of that, our little apartment was in sad shape.  

The Monday after the funeral, Tim and I both had this incredible urge to clean house...big time. It would be the start of the new chapter in our life and we wanted a clean, fresh start. We were blessed to have both our mothers in town and we put them to work (thanks, moms!!).  We hit every room in the house, starting with our bedroom.

Our bedroom was probably the room in the worst shape.  It was the room we could throw everything into and close the door to the public.  We took down the bassinet (which Joshua only slept in maybe 3 times...but it was still hard), we cleared out all the medical supplies Joshua used (oxygen tubing, syringes, medical tape, etc.) and got them ready to give away to other heart families we knew, and we rearranged our furniture.  We made a stack of papers to file away and started our memory box of Joshua.  It felt good to give everything a place and to have our room as a safe haven once more.

A bunch of medical supplies we were organizing from our bedroom.  TONS of syringes, lotion and soap from the hospital, the pinks bins from the hospital, and we had to decide what to keep and what to give away.

More boxes of medical supplies.  It was amazing to all of us how much stuff was required for little Joshua.  My mom was impressed that we knew what all of it was called and used for ;)

More piles of stuff to organize.  We even gave this heirloom chair to a cousin! (That was a big step for my sweet husband)

The piles of stuff on my dresser.  Pleased to say it is all gone!

 The kitchen and spare room were next on the list.  My sweet mother-in-law went through every cupboard in the kitchen and wiped them all out.  We threw away what we didn't use and cleared out the fridge.  Everything got disinfected and wiped down.

I was too embarrassed to post before pictures of this room.  Lets just say it is amazing you can see any of the floor!  Also, if any of you are interested in that sewing machine desk, let me know...we are trying to find a new home for it because, heaven knows I don't know what to do with a sewing machine :)

 We also did the linen closet...or the "catch all" closest, since it was such a disaster.  We had so much expired medications and so many things just stuffed in there.  There was no way we would know for sure what was in there.  We took a huge bag of medications to the police department (they will dispose of them properly...don't just throw them away!) and got the whole closet very user-friendly.  

Cleaning out the linen closet.  That box is full of expired medications and the white bag is more garbage.  We also had a bag full of DI stuff from this closet as well

But look how wonderful it looks now!  I love it :)

We did the same thing in the bathroom...believe it or not, this is the cupboard under the sink in our bathroom!  I have never seen so little in that cupboard!

By far, the hardest room was Logan's room.  It was where I kept all the baby clothes, toys, and regular baby supplies.  I had pulled out all the baby clothes through 6 months and it just felt wrong to put them all away at once.  Normally, you would slowly put away clothes as your child grew out of them, but here I was, putting everything away all at once.  It was a reminder of things I will never be able to do with Joshua in mortality.  Never get to celebrate a birthday, never get to see him outgrow a size and move on to the next one. Never see him sit in the bumbo chair and learn to sit up on his own.  My heart ached so much and the tears flowed freely.  However, with every box we filled, I found myself healing just a little...Joshua was there with me telling me it would be all right.  Joshua wanted me to move on...to start thinking about the future.

Finally, we did the living room.  We did some serious rearranging in this room because I wanted a wall to put our family pictures on.  It was a MESS for a while, but I LOVE how everything turned out.  In the end, we probably threw away 6 large garbage bag full of garbage, a full recycle bin full of stuff, and many trips to DI.  My mom said it best when she said, "It is like you guys are getting ready to move, but you get to enjoy it without the moving part!" 

In the middle of the purge...what a mess!!

This is what we got after all of that.  My beautiful bookshelf.

Our new TV stand from Ikea.  It changes the whole look of the room and I LOVE IT! Thanks so my amazing husband for putting it together :)

My family picture wall.

Displaying some of the flowers from the funeral.

 As we start the next chapter of our life, the reorganizing of our apartment was the perfect beginning.  We felt ready to face the challenge of life without Joshua and to begin living our life more perfectly so we can live with him again someday.