Thursday, February 21, 2013

Time...it's a funny thing

Everyone has had those experiences with time that just seem strange.  You know the ones I mean....the morning you wake up and you KNOW it is a Tuesday, but you could have sworn it was Friday already...or that moment you look at the clock and expect it to say 2pm and it is really 5pm and you better start thinking about making dinner...or you look at the calendar and it says it is the 28th and you wonder where the last 2 weeks went. Time really is a funny thing.


It has been one week since Joshua passed away.  Only seven days since that crazy morning.  As I think about all that has happened, I can hardly believe we fit it all into seven day.  Not only did we plan and complete his funeral, all the family that has come and gone, and all the cleaning and straightening out we have done, but all the emotional changes I have gone through.  I think about how I was emotionally 7 days ago, I can't believe how much better I am doing already.  It doesn't seem like it should be, but it is...but it feels like it has been so much longer than a week.

Another funny thing about time:  I have had a lot of people ask me how I am doing and feeling and the only way I can explain it is that I feel like I am going back in time...back in time before we had Joshua.  Suddenly, I am able to do all the things I was doing before...we can go to the library whenever we want, I can run to the store without worrying about an oxygen tank and feeding tube, and it is just me and Logan again while dad is at work.  It really does feel like I have gone back in time, but I am a completely different person.  Joshua really did change me as a person.  I feel closer to my Savior. I am finding myself worrying less about things that are just not important any more.  I hug and kiss Logan a lot more.  Really, I have gone back in time, but it is not the same.

It got me thinking about how often we complain about the stage of life we are in...or complain about wanting to go back to another time.  After the last few days, I would not recommend it.  I have thought so many times that I would love to go back and do my freshman year of college again.  I thought about how nice it would be to have my wedding again.  So many times, I have heard people talk about "the good old days."  In reality, we should all just be happy with where we are in life and be grateful that time keeps moving forward.  Each day, we change just a little bit.  The Lord has given us experiences in the order we need them to happen.  It feels so much better to be moving forward with life, to be growing and experiencing new things.  That is the natural thing to do.  I hope we can all be grateful for the things we have experienced, learn from the past, and look forward to the future.

4 comments:

  1. This is a great post, Stephanie, and something I think about a lot. It's funny how we're never satisfied where we are, but as soon as things change, we yearn to go back to what we had. Time can be such a curse and a blessing. Hang in there. You're such an amazing, strong person I've always looked up to. Joshua's legacy won't be forgotten, but time will make things easier. Thinking about you!!

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  2. Oh Stephanie, I wish I could have gotten to meet little Joshua. I feel like I really missed out on something special! But since I couldn't meet him and feel his special spiritual influence, I'll have to feel it vicariously through you and Tim. I am so grateful for your words. You have been through something that i wish no parent ever had to experience, but I am certain that others will benefit so much from your wisdom. You are a different person, Tim is a different person. That feeling kept hitting me all through Joshua's funeral, and it was a most amazing feeling. I realized that so many others will benefit from this newfound understanding you have of God's plan for us, and of the love of the Savior and of his Atonement. It's a hard and terrible way to have to learn a lesson, but you have so much to share with others that will make their lives a little easier and and more worth living, if that makes any sense. I mean, you were a wonderful person before and had a lot to offer others in the way of spiritual growth, etc, but now there's so much more. I can't really explain it very well. I'm sorry if this isn't coming out right. I guess I just want to tell you that I have always been glad you were my friend, but now I am so grateful for your amazing testimony and for the sweetness and purity of your spirit. I've heard that phrase many times before, but now I really understand it and appreciate it so much. You and Tim are truly amazing people, and I hope you know that. Thank you for being willing to share your feelings of joy and gratitude along with the hurt and sadness. Take care. I want to come see you soon, if that's ok. I'll call you.

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  3. Oh my, that was long. Hope you have some time on your hands!

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  4. You are so right we have to be grateful for what we have and not wanting to go back in time and redo things. What we go through is what makes us who we are.

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Joshua Kent Ipson was born December 1, 2012 with a very complicated combination of congenital heart defects. After 2 1/2 months of fighting for his life, he passed away on February 13, 2013. We invite you to share our experiences as we grieve his loss, rejoice in God's plan, & keep Joshua's message of hope alive.
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