Thursday, April 11, 2013
Reality Check
According to the definition on google, a reality check is "an occasion on which one is reminded of the state of things in the real world". It seems funny to me that reality checks would happen to me, even almost 2 months after Joshua's passing, but they do and a big one happened to me today. I've decided I don't really like them very much.
We were blessed to be able to use a government program to help us out while Joshua was with us. They provided the breast pump for free and provided us with some basic necessity for food as well. We were so grateful for the extra help during the difficult time. Today, I had an appointment with them to reevaluate our status. Well, as I was getting the paper work together for said appointment, I realized something...we probably no longer qualify.
Why, you ask, would this be a hard realization? I promise, it was not because I was disappointed we wouldn't have the benefits anymore. Honestly, we really don't need them now. However, the program determines eligibility based on the number of people in the family and how much you make. The more people you have, the more you are able to make and still qualify. Well, we are no longer a family of 4, but a family of 3. This make it so we no longer qualify for the program.
Fortunately, I figured this out before I went to the appointment...honestly, I don't think I could have handled that realization very well in public. But, I did have to make the very awkward phone call. "Hi, this is really awkward, but when we started the program, we were a family of 4. My little baby actually passed away and we are only a family of 3 now." Yeah...awkward...for both me and the poor lady on the other end of the line. I was really grateful with how calm and collected she stayed. It helped me be able to hold back my tears until I hung up the phone.
Now, I know Joshua will always be a part of our family, but it really hurt to have that reminder of him being gone. No one should go from being a family of 4 to a family of 3...it just shouldn't go that direction. Also, it is hard to think that according to the world, I only have 1 child. Really, I will always count Joshua, but the government and society will always be missing one. It was just another reality check...a reminder of how it is in the real world...my new normal.
We were blessed to be able to use a government program to help us out while Joshua was with us. They provided the breast pump for free and provided us with some basic necessity for food as well. We were so grateful for the extra help during the difficult time. Today, I had an appointment with them to reevaluate our status. Well, as I was getting the paper work together for said appointment, I realized something...we probably no longer qualify.
Why, you ask, would this be a hard realization? I promise, it was not because I was disappointed we wouldn't have the benefits anymore. Honestly, we really don't need them now. However, the program determines eligibility based on the number of people in the family and how much you make. The more people you have, the more you are able to make and still qualify. Well, we are no longer a family of 4, but a family of 3. This make it so we no longer qualify for the program.
Fortunately, I figured this out before I went to the appointment...honestly, I don't think I could have handled that realization very well in public. But, I did have to make the very awkward phone call. "Hi, this is really awkward, but when we started the program, we were a family of 4. My little baby actually passed away and we are only a family of 3 now." Yeah...awkward...for both me and the poor lady on the other end of the line. I was really grateful with how calm and collected she stayed. It helped me be able to hold back my tears until I hung up the phone.
Now, I know Joshua will always be a part of our family, but it really hurt to have that reminder of him being gone. No one should go from being a family of 4 to a family of 3...it just shouldn't go that direction. Also, it is hard to think that according to the world, I only have 1 child. Really, I will always count Joshua, but the government and society will always be missing one. It was just another reality check...a reminder of how it is in the real world...my new normal.
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I will always think of you and Tim having 2 children, and if I were you, I wouldn't be afraid to tell people that either. In fact, my sister-in-law's family lost a child (one of her siblings), but they all say there are 5 kids in the family instead of 4. I always admired them for that eternal perspective. Love ya!
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