You see, my brain can not even begin to process the fact that I will be giving birth to this baby in just a few short months. The truth is, I have a really hard time comprehending Thanksgiving and Christmas plans being pregnant. The only thing I can think about is the ultrasound...that is the next milestone that I have to get through...and that is all I can handle right now. 

The ultrasound...it is this week. This week, we will be able to understand more of what our journey will be with this baby. Will it be a "normal" baby experience, or something different? 

It is true, I hope with all of my heart that this baby is healthy. I hope that this child does not have to suffer like Joshua did...and that I don't have to watch that suffering again. I hope so desperately that we will be able to bring this baby home and go through that transition in our family of adding a new member...a transition that shouldn't  require home health teaching is how to use equipment. 

However, with all those hopes and desires, the truth is, I am just ready to know. Even if this baby has health problems, lets start the planning session on what we are going to do about it! Lets  make sure we are connected with the right people and doctors. 

Because, you know what, even with all we had to go through with Joshua, there is nothing anyone could say to convince me that it was not worth it. He is one of the greatest blessings in my life, even now that he is gone. And, you know what? This next baby will be, too. Everything this baby brings with him/her will be a blessing. I would go through all of it with Joshua again just to make sure I knew he would always be a part of my family. Every child is special and a miracle...and this next one will be, too. 

So, lets do this stupid ultrasound. Lets get past this debilitating milestone and move on. I hope I will be able to do it all...but I know, with the Lords help, anything is possible. Maybe I can start planning Thanksgiving and Christmas...