This week marked 7 months since little Joshua passed.  As people have realized this, many have expressed how quickly the time has passed and how it seems like just yesterday.  For me, however, it has been an eternity and I can't believe we are not marking years yet...

I was warned a few months ago by a professional that many families find that their grief returns pretty harshly around 6 months.  So, I had prepared myself last month for a difficult time.  However, it was really not that bad.  I was able to get through the day/week pretty well!  I boasted to myself that I must be doing pretty well...excited that I was able to make it through a time pretty easily that many others struggle with. 

However, I have been humbled.  My difficult time did not come at 6, but 7 months.  Really, it has been ever since we scheduled the ultrasound for my pregnancy have many of the emotions of not have Joshua here have come very close to the surface.  Maybe it is because I am pregnant and already extra emotional.  Maybe it is my subconscious struggling with the idea of moving on to the next chapter of our life.  Maybe everyone goes through a harder time "around" 6 months because their subconscious is trying to move on and just can't yet. Whatever the reason, the past few weeks have been hard and I have just wanted to give my boy one more kiss and hold him close one more time.

So, with this little background, I began to prepare for the Intermountain Healing Hearts Annual Walk for Healing Hearts.  It is IHH's annual fundraiser and they honor all heart heros, including all the angels.  Every angel family prepares a poster to display for everyone to get to know them and they even do a beautiful butterfly release for them.  It was perfect timing for me to have something to look forward to, something that would honor sweet Joshua and let him know that even though life is moving forward, we will never forget him.