Saturday, March 2, 2013

How will I fill my time?

I have said it before to many people and even on this blog post...Time has become a very strange thing to me all of the sudden.  Since Joshua's passing, I find myself with another "time issue,"...filling up my time again.

Really, during Joshua's 2 1/2 months of life, I did very little but take care of him and think about him.  Even our little Logan didn't get much of our time because Joshua really did require so much!  We would spend our whole day at the hospital...and sometimes even slept there!  I lived and breathed Joshua and all that came with him.  Now, he is being taken care of by others in heaven, I find myself in a strange to fill my time.

It is even more funny when I think about my life before Joshua was here.  I thought I was SO BUSY....and yet, here I am with basically the same responsibilities and I feel like I have so much time on my hands...which just gives me too much time to think.  I also find that things I thought were important before are not as important any more.  I don't want to waste my life on things that are not going to matter.

So, with all these thoughts in my head, I attended a stake Relief Society meeting on Thursday night.  I wasn't sure I was going to go...these types of gatherings are still difficult sometimes, but I really felt like I needed to be there.  They did some break out sessions for different topics.  I was still very unsure which classes I was going to attend.  When they started explaining what classes were offered, I was struck as I looked at one of the speakers and knew I needed to go to her class.  I wasn't sure why, but go I did...

Turns out, this sweet sister was a fellow Angel Mom...she had lost her sweet son just over a year ago.  She spent the 30 minutes she had explaining so many feelings and experiences that I am having right now.  She talked about what is really our relationship with our Heavenly Father, our families, and ourselves.

I know for a fact that Heavenly Father prompted me to go to that meeting.  As I figure out my life without Joshua on earth, I hope the Lord can help me figure out how to make the important things a priority.  I want to constantly work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I want to keep my family strong. I want to keep Joshua's mission and spirit alive.  I want my time to be filled with the things that matter...and I feel so grateful that Joshua has given me the perspective I need to make that happen.

I'm sure there will be more posts on this topic.  I have a feeling this will be a life-long pursuit.   The speaker at the meeting shared this perfect Mormon Message that explains my goals perfectly.  I love how the prophet Thomas S. Monson summarizes what we should be doing with our time. May we all review our life and make sure we are focusing on the things that matter most.


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Joshua Kent Ipson was born December 1, 2012 with a very complicated combination of congenital heart defects. After 2 1/2 months of fighting for his life, he passed away on February 13, 2013. We invite you to share our experiences as we grieve his loss, rejoice in God's plan, & keep Joshua's message of hope alive.
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